Crisis Ministry:Preparing Domestic Violence Counselors
The first words out of Pastor Miller’s mouth when I picked up the phone were, “I didn’t sign on for this”. Not hello, how are you? But,” I didn’t sign on for this!” In response I asked, “what?”
He shared a troubling but not unusual story regarding one of his most trusted leaders. The leader had been accused of battering his wife and sending her to the hospital. Thus, it began; a long and arduous process of dealing with domestic violence and all its ramifications.
I truly feel for pastors in general…most are doing a tremendous job with their limited resources.
The daily stress of working with God’s people can be overwhelming. Of the many situations a Christian leader can face, none can be more devastating, frightening, and frustrating as a major crisis with one of his or her members. Perhaps the worst crisis is caused by domestic violence.
Domestic violence (also called intimate partner violence (IPV), domestic abuse or relationship abuse) is a pattern of behaviors used by one partner to maintain power and control over another partner in an intimate relationship. (thehotline.org) Domestic violence also includes child abuse and sexual abuse in within the family. The problem happens in every community, and the community of faith is not exempt from this especially heinous area of sin.
An Ordinary Couple
Will and Janice had been married for 15 years, most of them good. Like so many couples, they started out as a highly charged romantic couple, but the stresses of life, compounded by two pre-teen children and financial limitations 
were taking their toll on the relations. Both were committed to marriage and family, but recently Will had begun to drink more than socially, which had led to relatively minor verbal outbursts of frustration towards Janice. This past week, things escalated, and Will punch his fist though the wall of the kitchen, in front of the kids, frightening the whole family. Though “minor”, Will recognized, and Janice insisted that they seek help (from their pastor) to deal with the problems…but like so many pastors, theirs had no training in how to help with this level potential violence in the home.
Fortunately, the pastor knew of a talented, sensitive and spirit led counselor in his town to help…. but that is not always the case…counselors yes, but even many of them are not trained to deal with Domestic Violence.
What pastors/leaders need is to be equipped to minister in crisis…or better yet have a team developed that is equipped to minister in crisis, and especially in the crisis of Domestic Violence. Over the past 35 years, one of my passions has been in working with domestic violence cases…most members of evangelical congregations. I have seen the worst of the worst of situations turned around to bring glory to God…but it requires awareness and training to effectively minister in this volatile area.
We will be releasing two more video teachings in the near future. Following that we will be offering a special course on Crisis ministry leading to certification in Crisis and Domestic Violence ministry. My prayer is that these free videos and free resources will bless you and begin the process of preparing you for more effective ministry.
Dr Stan DeKoven is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Certified Drug and Alcohol Counselor, and Certified Domestic Violence Counselor living and serving in Southern California. He is also the founder and President of Vision International University, and has written over 50 books in counseling, practical theology and leadership, including the bestselling Patterns of Destruction: Counseling for Domestic Violence, and Crisis Counseling.
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